how not to get the job of your dreams

So, I finally got the call to interview for a job that I have wanted for a really long time.

I planned what I would say, read all of the tips by the experts on how to make an employer want you, got lots of sleep and dressed snazzy with a slight Mary Tyler Moore "I can take care of business, Mr Grant!" flip to my hair. I was early for my appointment and chatted up the receptionist about her dog (take it from a previous receptionist, this works - if we like you, we pass on the word). I was personable and straight-forward and displayed all of the correct body language. Right before I became a bumbling idiot.

Note: There were four people interviewing me at once - what I will evermore refer to as "My Psychological Gang Rape of '07".


Interviewer #1: "Tell us about a time when you went above and beyond the call of duty on a special project or task."

Me: (blank stare) (blink) (blink) (thinking "who uses the term 'call of duty' anyway?")

Interviewers #1 - 4: (waiting and returning stares) (blink) (blink)

Me: (blank stare) (starting to sweat) (gulp) (blink) (blink) (wondering if I have ever completed a "special project or task") ( I started feeling faint and aware of the silence that I must somehow fill and fast so I blurted out:

"I once looked a broker's head for ticks."

Me: (wincing) (wishing that I could suck the last 5 seconds back in before anyone noticed them)

Interviewers #1- 4: (blank looks that could have been either disgust or terror)

Interviewer #4: (condescendingly) "well, I guess that could be considered a special project..."

Me: "Yes, it was an especially bad year for deer ticks."


Yes, folks...I am one hot commodity.